Don'ts of an Artist

As I have began to come into my own, and truly make what I do a form of art, I find so many road blocks on my way to being where I want to be. The only way to succeed as an artist, is to have guidelines to live by. I know that sounds ironic because artists are free spirits, but there are things that you must constantly remind yourself not to do. I'm guessing thoughts like those are what brought about the ideals I wrote the other day. Who knows.

Ideals

This is me thinking in Art.

ONE MAN'S TRASH IS ANOTHER MAN'S TREASURE.

So, this morning, I went to a bajillion yard sales with my mom. I'm totally joking. We went to like 3. The first one was a bust, but the last 2 were scrumdiddlyumptious! I took pictures of all my fashion finds. Nothing I bought was above $2. These aren't everything I got, just a few things.

Burnt orange/black striped silk trousers: $1

This is the print close-up. The first picture didn't do it justice.

Vintage pearl necklace: $3

Gold and silver arm cuffs: $2/ea.

Silver single cuff: $1 // Gold bangles: $1/ea.

And last but not least, dark stoned studs for a dollar!

Now, before finishing this post, I want to tell a story that I got from the second yard sale. (That's where I got the pants) It was given to me for free by the woman of the house. She was an artist. In her house there were paintings, photographs, custom clothes, EVERYTHING. She was obviously extremely successful because of the items being sold. (My mom got a Ralph Lauren umbrella for a dollar). When I and my mom went in their house to look at the furniture, the woman told us about her husband. Three weeks ago, he was diagnosed with a terminal illness. It's predicted that he has about one year to live. He ceased all treatment and decided to sell their house. They made the plan THAT day, as well as put it on the market. It sold in two days. They're selling everything in their home for $1, and moving to a beachfront property in Mexico on June 1st. It's complete with a maid, butler, and poolboy. It has both an indoor and outdoor pool. She told us that everyone thinks they're crazy, but she wants to enjoy her last year with her husband. Live.

Today is one of 'those' days.

I don't know what my problem is today. I swear, I was fine this morning. I was in an excellent mood last night too, until my mom fucked it up. I hate when she does that. She makes me so mad sometimes, I swear. If someone's obviously in a good mood, why go ruin? Also, if someone's in a bad mood, why make it worse? I make these cupcakes, that are now fucked. I got to school and everyone's been irritating me. On top of that, Kevin's going around tell everyone that I'm in a bad mood. They can see it for themselves, we don't need the town caller services on this one, thanks. I'm just in an over-all bad mood and I swear to fucking God if my cupcakes have been tampered with when I get back in the office, there will be hell. Class hasn't started and Mr. Mac's my first block. I can see something going horribly wrong. And what's worse, NO music is concurring with my mood right now. What the fuck is the world coming to when you can't even find a song that understands you? I'm sick.

SOMETHING PERSONAL.

I purposely made this guy fall in love with me, with no intentions of reciprocating. Now he's head over heels, and for whatever reason, I actually care. I feel terrible about it actually. It's been eating me alive since I decided 'd avoid him and I don't know what to do. He has such a kind heart, but he's not at all my type. However, I really enjoy his company, and love the conversations we have on the phone. I want him to stick around, but that'd be the worst case scenario (for his sanity). I'm almost lost, but at the moment, I'm texting him trying to explain why he can't be with me.

Meanwhile, James Morrison is the soundtrack to my life:

"I'm trying to change to make the best for us

But I'm just the same, same as I ever was

Oh, and if you stay with me, honestly it's what I want

But if you stay with me I know I'll hurt you more"

I'll just leave this here too. 

TWITTER WISDOM.

This is why I have a twitter. Not because I'm so bored and need something to do, but because the wise words that float around my timeline each day keep me moving. This is what I need to prevail. Positive reinforcement.

PHOBIAS.

Everyone is scared of something. Death, failure, spiders, the dark, whatever. We've all experienced fear in some dosage. For those who believe that fear is a "weak emotion", know that without experiencing fear, it is impossible to commit bravery or courage.
I found this severely long list of phobias and I suffer moderately from several. Here's some of them:

Atychiphobia Fear of failure.
Athazagoraphobia Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting.
Asthenophobia Fear of fainting or weakness.
Atelophobia Fear of imperfection.
Autophobia Fear of being alone or of oneself.
Chronophobia Fear of time.
Decidophobia Fear of making decisions.
Dementophobia Fear of insanity.
Daemonophobia Fear of demons.
Gamophobia Fear of marriage.
Homophobia Fear of sameness or monotony.
Philophobia Fear of falling in love or being in love.
Teleophobia Fear of definite plans or religious ceremonies.
Theophobia Fear of gods or religion.
Zelophobia Fear of jealousy.


The phobia list can be found HERE.


I know this post seems oddly personal, but I'm scared of a lot right now.

PERSONAL UPDATE.

I promised that I'd come in and update you on my current mental state, so here I go. Honestly, I'm content. I was really stressed about college and all, but I am no longer. I'm excited now. Excited, scared, and anxious. I'm about to be free. A super duper college student. I'm somewhere between "I can't wait!" and "Can't I just stay in high school for one more year?". Polar opposites. I've managed to maintain homeostasis by not allowing any negative energy into my life that doesn't have to be there.
What do I mean by "have to be there"? I mean things that I'll  inevitably have to learn to cope with, like my parents' situation, or internal problems like my ever-changing mental state. However, things that don't have to stress me out, like boys and girl drama, have been erased. Once you stop letting things bother you, life seems to work itself out.

*IN OTHER NEWS*
Yesterday, I accepted my offer to UNCG, officially. I'm finishing my application to the honors college sometime this week.

I've decided that I want to paint. I love water colors on canvas. So, I'm going to buy some water colors, a canvas, and some decent brushes and make it do what it do. When I was younger, my parents used to let me paint as a diversion from other problems or just to relax me. I miss it, now that I think about it.

This camera situation is getting ridiculous. I am literally dreaming about a Nikon D5gs at this point. I need it. I would be so much more comfortable if I had it. Come May 23rd, I'll have her though! Her and my new Macbook Pro. Every time I think about those things, I find myself more ready to graduate than before.

TTFN :) *muah*

Today is Prom!

I'm really excited! NOT. It's just become a really stressful situation. I asked my mom if I could get dressed at a friends house, so she spazzed out. I mean, I've been to several proms already, and she'd made it pretty clear that this one wasn't THAT important. I guess it is though. She said she didn't invite anyone over to see me dressed, yet people are consistently texting me asking what time I plan on getting dressed. I don't know if my reservations still stand. I have yet to finish the pearl embellishments on my shoes, and my bag is ugly. I still have to establish a make-up layout decision, post-prom plans, AND I'm sort of salty about the fact that I don't have a date.
However, I guess I need to shine a positive light on the situation. The only maintenance things to be done today are shaving and hair dying (I bought a dye last night that has my hair a reddish-brown instead of honey blonde). I'm going to go to the mall and pick up a new ring later on. I'm patiently awaiting the mail lady, so the rest of my pearls can get here. I'm happy I don't have to be all stressed and do a lot of running around for last minute tidbits. I'm kind of just chilling, watching Jamie Foxx and tweeting. My gram's here, being hilarious. So, all in all, today is good for the most part.

I'll make it certain that I get a quality picture of my shoes later, but here's a cell phone picture, just because.

You like? :) Anyway, like I said, I'll have better pictures of these (that I made) and me, in my actual dress. I hope my night's worth the stress.

♥ ⚡⚡

That Awkward Moment when you find out that your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend is actually a decent person, and you aren't exponentially better than her.

This is me actually having feelings. I'm not a jealous person, and I'm not a loving person, but strangely enough, I still have an intense attraction to this one guy. I mean, once we were done, he was DONE. And it's bugging me more than ever. Once he was done, he moved on.. FAST. I mean, like Speed Gonzalez fast. But, I didn't. I mean, I thought I did, but yesterday I realized that I was sadly mistaken. Then, I heard some things (which don't matter), but it kind of had me torn apart last night. So, in the good spirit of efficient documentation of emotions, I wrote him a letter. It was a good, one-page letter (on paper). It was definitely beneficial. It definitely helped me talk myself through the situation and rationalize. I'll scan it in when I scan in the rest of my "diary"/journal thingy.. but until then, here's the letter.

Dear Hvalnuag,

               Why the fuck do you have to out me through this? All I've ever done is love you and want to be with you. Even when I bitch at you, it's only because I love you enough to be angry and actually give a fuck. I swear, I don't get you. I mean, I do, because we're the same in so many ways, but I don't, because you're somehow different. I mean, I see what you're doing, and even why you're doing it.. but I guess this is really just me not wanting to believe it. You always quit on me right before I'm ready to commit. Why the fuck do you do that to me? You make me love you, then you make me hate you, then love you again. Every time I think I'm over you, you decide to spring back into my life. My heart can't take this shit. I'm so done and through with crying every time you decide you're "done", then being expected to come running back when you're done with whatever girl you're with that week. I'm so over you getting mad at me for shit you do too, and I'm too done with you telling Yrotne all of our fucking business. It's our business, because it belongs to us. Or is the concept of private business disregarded when it's owning entity is no longer existent? This is so funny though, because as I write this.. I laugh at the fact that I'm not done at all. I love this shit. All this shit. The arguing, the crying, the the hollow-ass apologies, the "fighting" ;), all of it. It gives us character, and it gives me the opportunity for re-injury. So, now that I've thought about it, no, I'm not done. I'm just over this go-round. So bring it. I'm excited for our new beginning. I'm ready when you are.

                                                                                                                                        Love,
                                                                                                                                        Jia.