That Awkward Moment when you find out that your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend is actually a decent person, and you aren't exponentially better than her.

This is me actually having feelings. I'm not a jealous person, and I'm not a loving person, but strangely enough, I still have an intense attraction to this one guy. I mean, once we were done, he was DONE. And it's bugging me more than ever. Once he was done, he moved on.. FAST. I mean, like Speed Gonzalez fast. But, I didn't. I mean, I thought I did, but yesterday I realized that I was sadly mistaken. Then, I heard some things (which don't matter), but it kind of had me torn apart last night. So, in the good spirit of efficient documentation of emotions, I wrote him a letter. It was a good, one-page letter (on paper). It was definitely beneficial. It definitely helped me talk myself through the situation and rationalize. I'll scan it in when I scan in the rest of my "diary"/journal thingy.. but until then, here's the letter.

Dear Hvalnuag,

               Why the fuck do you have to out me through this? All I've ever done is love you and want to be with you. Even when I bitch at you, it's only because I love you enough to be angry and actually give a fuck. I swear, I don't get you. I mean, I do, because we're the same in so many ways, but I don't, because you're somehow different. I mean, I see what you're doing, and even why you're doing it.. but I guess this is really just me not wanting to believe it. You always quit on me right before I'm ready to commit. Why the fuck do you do that to me? You make me love you, then you make me hate you, then love you again. Every time I think I'm over you, you decide to spring back into my life. My heart can't take this shit. I'm so done and through with crying every time you decide you're "done", then being expected to come running back when you're done with whatever girl you're with that week. I'm so over you getting mad at me for shit you do too, and I'm too done with you telling Yrotne all of our fucking business. It's our business, because it belongs to us. Or is the concept of private business disregarded when it's owning entity is no longer existent? This is so funny though, because as I write this.. I laugh at the fact that I'm not done at all. I love this shit. All this shit. The arguing, the crying, the the hollow-ass apologies, the "fighting" ;), all of it. It gives us character, and it gives me the opportunity for re-injury. So, now that I've thought about it, no, I'm not done. I'm just over this go-round. So bring it. I'm excited for our new beginning. I'm ready when you are.

                                                                                                                                        Love,
                                                                                                                                        Jia.