PHOBIAS.

Everyone is scared of something. Death, failure, spiders, the dark, whatever. We've all experienced fear in some dosage. For those who believe that fear is a "weak emotion", know that without experiencing fear, it is impossible to commit bravery or courage.
I found this severely long list of phobias and I suffer moderately from several. Here's some of them:

Atychiphobia Fear of failure.
Athazagoraphobia Fear of being forgotton or ignored or forgetting.
Asthenophobia Fear of fainting or weakness.
Atelophobia Fear of imperfection.
Autophobia Fear of being alone or of oneself.
Chronophobia Fear of time.
Decidophobia Fear of making decisions.
Dementophobia Fear of insanity.
Daemonophobia Fear of demons.
Gamophobia Fear of marriage.
Homophobia Fear of sameness or monotony.
Philophobia Fear of falling in love or being in love.
Teleophobia Fear of definite plans or religious ceremonies.
Theophobia Fear of gods or religion.
Zelophobia Fear of jealousy.


The phobia list can be found HERE.


I know this post seems oddly personal, but I'm scared of a lot right now.

PERSONAL UPDATE.

I promised that I'd come in and update you on my current mental state, so here I go. Honestly, I'm content. I was really stressed about college and all, but I am no longer. I'm excited now. Excited, scared, and anxious. I'm about to be free. A super duper college student. I'm somewhere between "I can't wait!" and "Can't I just stay in high school for one more year?". Polar opposites. I've managed to maintain homeostasis by not allowing any negative energy into my life that doesn't have to be there.
What do I mean by "have to be there"? I mean things that I'll  inevitably have to learn to cope with, like my parents' situation, or internal problems like my ever-changing mental state. However, things that don't have to stress me out, like boys and girl drama, have been erased. Once you stop letting things bother you, life seems to work itself out.

*IN OTHER NEWS*
Yesterday, I accepted my offer to UNCG, officially. I'm finishing my application to the honors college sometime this week.

I've decided that I want to paint. I love water colors on canvas. So, I'm going to buy some water colors, a canvas, and some decent brushes and make it do what it do. When I was younger, my parents used to let me paint as a diversion from other problems or just to relax me. I miss it, now that I think about it.

This camera situation is getting ridiculous. I am literally dreaming about a Nikon D5gs at this point. I need it. I would be so much more comfortable if I had it. Come May 23rd, I'll have her though! Her and my new Macbook Pro. Every time I think about those things, I find myself more ready to graduate than before.

TTFN :) *muah*

That Awkward Moment when you find out that your ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend is actually a decent person, and you aren't exponentially better than her.

This is me actually having feelings. I'm not a jealous person, and I'm not a loving person, but strangely enough, I still have an intense attraction to this one guy. I mean, once we were done, he was DONE. And it's bugging me more than ever. Once he was done, he moved on.. FAST. I mean, like Speed Gonzalez fast. But, I didn't. I mean, I thought I did, but yesterday I realized that I was sadly mistaken. Then, I heard some things (which don't matter), but it kind of had me torn apart last night. So, in the good spirit of efficient documentation of emotions, I wrote him a letter. It was a good, one-page letter (on paper). It was definitely beneficial. It definitely helped me talk myself through the situation and rationalize. I'll scan it in when I scan in the rest of my "diary"/journal thingy.. but until then, here's the letter.

Dear Hvalnuag,

               Why the fuck do you have to out me through this? All I've ever done is love you and want to be with you. Even when I bitch at you, it's only because I love you enough to be angry and actually give a fuck. I swear, I don't get you. I mean, I do, because we're the same in so many ways, but I don't, because you're somehow different. I mean, I see what you're doing, and even why you're doing it.. but I guess this is really just me not wanting to believe it. You always quit on me right before I'm ready to commit. Why the fuck do you do that to me? You make me love you, then you make me hate you, then love you again. Every time I think I'm over you, you decide to spring back into my life. My heart can't take this shit. I'm so done and through with crying every time you decide you're "done", then being expected to come running back when you're done with whatever girl you're with that week. I'm so over you getting mad at me for shit you do too, and I'm too done with you telling Yrotne all of our fucking business. It's our business, because it belongs to us. Or is the concept of private business disregarded when it's owning entity is no longer existent? This is so funny though, because as I write this.. I laugh at the fact that I'm not done at all. I love this shit. All this shit. The arguing, the crying, the the hollow-ass apologies, the "fighting" ;), all of it. It gives us character, and it gives me the opportunity for re-injury. So, now that I've thought about it, no, I'm not done. I'm just over this go-round. So bring it. I'm excited for our new beginning. I'm ready when you are.

                                                                                                                                        Love,
                                                                                                                                        Jia.